說真的,通常看到書下這種標題,我就不會買了。我最討厭這種強調追求快速成效的書,覺得那是騙人的,世間哪有這麼便宜的事情,不然就是作者想吸引讀者目光的煙霧彈,一開始就動機不純,我也不看。要不是有人極力推薦並借我這本書,根本不會去翻這種書。為了抓照片到amazon找了一下,發現這本書評價還不錯(但也有一些人覺得這本書只是so so而已),有四顆半星星,我的話應該會給:☆☆☆
不過,amazon的介紹,讓我覺得很好笑!
Every kid in America will hate this book! But moms will love it!
其實,仔細看,這本書也沒有揭櫫什麼新穎的教養觀念,很多都是大家已經知道的概念,這些在陪伴小孩成長過程中, 對於父母來說可能知易行難的概念,經由作者的筆再一次提醒徬徨的父母罷了...讀這本書的過程中,我一有時間也敲敲打打了一點筆記,因為我覺得在往後漫長陪伴孩子成長過程中,這些都是可以提醒自己的字句。
這裡就先放Wednesday,等我有時間再來整理好完整內容(最好是有時間啦)
Wednesday
1. You can’t run a family by rules if there is no connection between family members. (Dr. Leman強調和孩子間建立感情連結之後,規範才能真正發生作用)
1. You can’t run a family by rules if there is no connection between family members. (Dr. Leman強調和孩子間建立感情連結之後,規範才能真正發生作用)
2. Note that I said “talk to your kids,” not “ask your kids questions.” There’s a big difference. Asking questions put your child on the defensive. Instead, make open-ended statements (even in response to stupid or out-of-the-blue comments) such as, “I’ve never though about it that way. Tell me more.” Let’s say your child wants to listen to her music in the car, as all teen do. I’ve got news for you: you won’t like her music. (But your parents didn’t like your music either.) Instead of wincing, say, “That’s an interesting beat. I like that beat.”
3. Such comments are respectful of your children, and they set the paradigm that you are open to talk with your children about everything. Talk with your children about the little things means that will be more likely to talk with you about the big things.
4. Your children need to know that you are on their team—that no matter what they do, you love them. You may not like what they do, but that doesn’t change your love for them. Many children don’t experience the connection, but they experience the pressure. They are bullied into submission, called names, ordered around, told them have to do better in school—and then the next day parents act like none of that happened. That’s why parents need to address their own behavior before they expect their children to change. (但是,從其他章節可以知道Dr. Leman是不贊成父母當孩子的朋友,他認為父母還是必須要有父母的樣子,不能為了當朋友而討好孩子)
5. What’s most important is your relationship, and that is based on respect and unconditional love. So much has to do with you and how you treat your children.
6. If you tend toward being authoritarian, work on giving your children age-appropriate choices. Children need to develop the ability to make good life choices.
7. If you are a permissive parent, you need to stand up and be a parent instead of trying to be your child’s friend and make her happy. Being happy all the time isn’t real life, and you’re not being fair to child if you’re providing a continual Disneyland experience. The goal of every parent should be to raise independent thinkers who have a healthy respect for themselves and others.
8. Start with the end in mind, and keep the focus on your relationship, not on rules.
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啊啊啊啊這些讓我想起該死的教育心理學跟一群試教時候死小孩的吼叫聲......好想扁小孩啊~~~~當學生的時候覺得老師很機車.等到有可能當老師時就覺得學生好機車.......我看來還是不適合去教高中以下的學校(怕受不了會扁人...)
其實我覺得去國中教書,不是在教書,根本是在當教官的(回想我那一年實習,是在國中完成的)高中就比較能和學生有智識上的交流了。不過以我自己而言,當了媽媽之後,若是再有機會當老師,大概會是不一樣的風景了...而且,我還覺得教自己孩子比在學校教書難耶!